And as the Devlifish was taking off, one of the engines failed and everyone plummeted to their deaths...

Oh wait, that didn't happen. I enjoyed the update, but I will wait till the epilogue to put my final word on it. There was one issue that I had with things in the story though. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but now I can. There are times when I have trouble telling who is speaking. I know that some sections of an update are told from a certain characters perspective, but at times that gets muddled by the thoughts of another character being interjected into the scene. This update had a lot of that and I found it a little confusing. Maybe I'm being slow, but perhaps you can give us some incite on why you choose to write it like that?

Wolfs16 :
Whoopsies! I'm reading through the post right now to see if I catch any missing names to go with the thoughts... At least in this last update, all of the interior thoughts are coupled with either the name of the character, the rank in rare cases, or the same character that talked or spoke in the last paragraph was carried over. I guess in that third group, it could get a bit confusing, so I'll see what I can do to clean that up.

As for why I wrote like that, I've always seemed to write in Third Person Omniscient, so it almost comes as second nature to include thoughts from various characters in a single scene. I guess I included more thoughts than would be normal based on my own impression of the Shas. Most of their character would be shown through their actions on the battlefield or interacting with the Shas in their squad around them, but when you take them out of a battle and cut out their lines of communication, how then can you differentiate between those helmeted warriors? I figured that the internal thoughts would be a better indicator of their more basal personalities, those qualities that would be, for the most part, hidden during their normal course of action.

Take La'Elro in the first section, for instance. She wouldn't come out and say that she had a crush on La'Eldi'tor, since that's not directly related to her current deployment as a Shas security attaché to a Fio expedition, nor is it completely warranted since any sort of "romance" between Tau would be for the Greater Good, not for their own personal pleasure. Vocalizing that would be like admitting to a serious fault, and a relatively shy and introverted Shas'La wouldn't likely do that.

Oh, and if you're sneaky, you could read the epilogue right now... Although the updated version for whatever reason isn't saving, so the ending acknowledgements page won't be in the file...

Good update, although it seemed everything was resolved a little quickly to me. Of course that's probably how it would happen.

One spot confused me:

I'm just not sure how Elro is feeling right now. Is she being sarcastic? It seemed vaguely so..
Other than that there were just a few typos.


I don't know - Tau are only human. Wait...
What I mean is, even Tau cannot be expected to put aside all of their base desires, all the time, for the greater good. It really wouldn't be healthy - their performance and attitude would degrade. I would think that the Ethereals would recognize this.

Anyways, SpartanTau, I really enjoyed reading this story and I'm looking forward to more!

Militant.Jester :
Glad you enjoyed the story! If things moved quickly at the end, it's because I didn't want to drag out something that, as you said, wouldn't last that long. Especially when you consider that half of the updates take place in the same day (within roughly 1.5 decs at that!), it probably just seemed quicker because I was deliberately not dragging it out. It is the final resolution-type part of the story, so things are sort of supposed to come together, right?

Good point about La'Elro's thoughts. I intended that little section to be her coming to terms with Vre'Myr'da's style of command: when there isn't much to command, like security detail, he's laid back and relaxed, but when there are Tau lives on the line, he's pretty serious and goal-minded. Compare how he acts then with the beginning of the story when he's just joking around and making fun of La'Elro, and the juxtaposition of styles should be a little clearer. I re-wrote the paragraph(s), quoted below. Hopefully it's a little clearer, although now it feels like I'm just shoving the information down the reader's throat...

As for putting aside feelings, they aren't. La'Elro still has those feelings; it is not letting those feelings get in the way of performing her job or following the Tau'va that sets the highly-trained Shas apart from our normal human perceptions. If they only thought about the job, then I definitely agree that it would be terrible, so the mental conditioning still allows for some free will to fantasize about a Shas'La Devilfish pilot, for instance.

ATT :
Here's the short epilogue to "No Exit." Hopefully it clears up a few questions (or allows you to take a peak at the spoiler...). I've also turned this "short story slash novella" (I'm going to call it a novella, though) into a PDF that you can download and read over and over again at your pleasure. Check it!

Download "No Exit" Here!
Well, in any case, I guess at long last this is the end of the story...

---

Epilogue
Demlok'doran | Nars'cal | 4137.6.3

-- Replaced by better fiction below --

Thanks for the PDF SpartanTau, I find it much easier to read. Plus, no annoying comments .

Very nicely done SpartanTau! I always enjoy 40K stories that don't rely on violence to keep it going.

However, I have a bit of an issue while I was reading the epilogue. As it stands, Shas’El Caor’savon's internal dialogue seems a little too detailed. It just screams exposition! With all the detail she gives, I think the ending would be a lot better if she was talking to another Shas. Then it would make sense why she would vocalizing this information. When I think of my own internal dialogue I often start sentences right in the middle of a thought since I always know what I'm talking about with little need to explain it. Her thoughts are far too specific in their explanation of events for them to be internal.

Am I just being too picky? Perhaps. But I'm curious to get your thoughts on this matter!

SpartanTau, that PDF is going in my inspiration folder right now.

I think Wolfs16 may have a point though. But rather than having the Shas'el talking to another Shas, she could be comparing the reports to a new, unknown piece of information, as a lead-in to another story.
At least, that's how I would do it - but sometimes I go a little overboard on the 'evil plots perpetrating throughout everything' line...
Just a thought.
Anyways, like I said. Love the story. This should get linked to in one of those "best of ATT" articles or something..

EDIT: Holy crap! Almost 70 pages?!
Yeah, but each page's only about 300 words. I tried to make the PDF feel like an actual paperback, hence the smaller pages, text, etc. -ST

Yami Kero :
My thoughts exactly! It's also always nice to have a good-looking finished piece at the end of days of work, right?

Wolfs16 :
Picky? Not at all. I just read through it again, and I completely see your point. I'm revising it right now...

Militant.Jester :
Well, since I do already have an idea for another story (and one that will actually have a 40k army as an enemy), that is a possibility. I'll probably combine both the "talking to a Shas" and "reading another report" ideas during the re-write. I don't think it really deserves a place as a "Best of ATT" fluff piece, though, as much as I like that sentiment!

Yami Kero, Wolfs16, and Militant.Jester :
Thanks for the praise, and for liking the PDF I put together. Hope the newly-revised epilogue doesn't annoy you too much when you have to re-download it! I'll work on that straight away, at least after having some food. Gotta' feed the creative juices!

I'm 2 pages in, and already I find myself wanting to look up both the name of the Shas'El and kor'tor'va, which I think means road. I can recall that you added a small index at the end of your introduction of the Nars'Cal Cadre here on ATT. I think it would serve the reader well if you added a small list of the more exotic Tau word you use in the story. If you are going to revise the PDF anyway, it might be a good idea to add said index.

For now I'm going to look up the 2 words and continue reading.

Yami Kero :
Just typed up the Glossary, as follows. I'll include it in the next version of the PDF, once I finish re-writing the Epilogue.

Well, not the best, but it's up there. Also, I'm impressed by the timely manner in which updates were posted.

Nice work ST! Had lots of fun reading this one and it was interesting to read a story in the 40K universe that wasn't actually all, "there is only war".

I read the story and found it quite entertaining.

Thanks for the Glossary! Even though you can look up the words in the Second Sphere words list, its hard to know how the writer interprets two or more combined Tau words/syllables. And I totally screwed up kio'tor'va by thinking it was a road .

I did find one spelling error:

[*] P. 45, I think this should be ready.

I also found a few things that I found odd when I read them. They could be correct but please look it over:

[*] P.11,
I think this should be 'rather an unreliable system then no system at all'. It is preferable to have a system that is reliable over no system but in the context, talking about a new com system, unreliable just seems better.

[*] P.25,
This was said by a Fio'Vre. To me, evacked sounds like military slang. While he could be cooperating with the Tau military and pick it up, it would be more likely for him to use the word evacuated.

[*] P.49,
Ehm, well, I simply don't know what 'in situ' means . Could it be preliminary field tested or preliminary simulated data?

Can't wait for the epilogue.

Good work overall SpartanTau.

Edit: P.10,
A Fio referring to his fellow researchers as his Cadre seems odd to me. I thought Cadre was a military term.

Also, in the PDF file it might be a good idea to number the pages from page one. Because of the ability to skip to a page just by filling in its number in the designated box, I think the numbers should correspond to that number instead of the traditional numbering of books. Now P.1 in the book is the second page. So if you want to skip to P.35 you got to fill in 36 in the box. Nothing major but you might want to take a look at it.

Militant.Jester :
I guess I'm either just overly harsh of my own work, or in comparison to Counterpoint, Origins, Cerberus Unbound or Caveat Imperator, I just don't think mine is even close. Like comparing Little League first basemen to professionals.¹

Dal'yth Mont'sha :
Glad you enjoyed it! That was my goal, and the goal of most things I write, to have the situation applicable in any setting. You can easily set this story in present-day Egypt, 18th Century France, on the bottom of the ocean, etc. with just a handful of minor stylistic changes. My next piece will, however, involve some actual enemies, but not in the usual manner...²

Yami Kero :
Thanks for the read-through! I've edited in your suggestions on my hard copy, and I'll be going back through the posts changing them. I won't be updating the PDF until the epilogue is re-written, though. I hadn't even thought about the page number conundrum since, as you said, I went for the traditional page numbering of a book instead of a more useful absolute number scheme.³

As for some of your mentioned trouble spots, here's my take on them. The "than" (pg 11) comparison is just that: El'Caor'savon would rather have a system of communication, even if it has a few troublesome quirks (as they are using now) than a newly-developed system that hasn't be fully field-tested and may cut out all of their communications, making it worse than what they have now. I did change the "reliable" to "working," just to help clear things up. As for "in situ," think of it as short for "in situation" (actual is Latin for "in the place"), so yes, Vre'Elan'tsua is getting realtime data for the system as it's being tested directly in the field. A simulated test of the communication system would then be considered "in vitro," since the test would be in a controlled and regulated environment. Finally, "cadre" can refer to any close-working group of individuals, and I feel that most, if not all, of the Tau population would live and work in cadres for most of their lives: research cadres, book-writing/historian cadres, starship crew cadres, etc. I think it's a good image for the Tau race.

I also added "...wildly growing kio'tor'va..." just so no one else thinks the empty plains of Nars'cal have superhighways criss-crossing them.⁴

ATT :
Oh, and I am working on the epilogue. Check it!

1: Probably more the first option. I never think my work is good enough, or done.
2: It'll be a little difficult to write, especially with zero-g fight sequences...
3: I honestly just thought starting the story on page one made sense... Teaches me to double-check everything!
4: It's a joke. I can joke sometimes too, right?

ATT :
Well, finished out the Epilogue with (what I think is good enough) a partial lead in to the next planned story, but I might not be getting to that for a while. Solving stiff ODEs and teaching labs takes precedence!

---

Epilogue
Demlok’doran | Nars’cal | 4137.6.3

Shas’El Caor’savon sat alone at her desk, reading back over the two field reports her Shas had submitted within the last few rotaa. Vre’Myr’da’s account of the events in the durst storm contained every ounce of backhanded wit he could cram in while still describing the events in extreme detail, while Ui’Eoro’s seemed to place him at fault for every wrong step, every failed action.

Funny though, she thought, flipping between the reports on her glowing dataslate, since those are the qualities that helped them get promoted in the first place.

A soft knock echoed through the office, followed by the almost silent sliding of the opening door. “I have the additional reports you requested, Shas’El,” Ui’Mesa’kar said, stepping through the threshold.

“Good,” the Shas’El said, receiving the two dataslates from the entering Shas. “You might want to stick around here, as I’m sure our Fio friends will no doubt want their things back when we’re done playing.”

All of my Shas are back safe, she reminded herself. Plus, they are still working on the problem, no matter what their report may say, so I can’t be too angry at them. Her eyes quickly scanned the top report, a medical filing following La’Yio’va’s skeletal reconstructive surgery.

“Let Ui’Eoro know that La’Kna’k... La’Yio’va will be back with his squad within a few rotaa. There shouldn’t be any complications left from the surgery or the physical rehabilitation.”

Almost called him Kna’kak, she thought, mentally chiding herself for the verbal lapse. A Shas’El should never insult a member of her cadre, even if that member had acted like a ’Saal even after tau’cyr of training. She handed the medical report back to Ui’Mesa’kar, turning her attention to the preliminary assessment on the lasting signal degradation problem. The Fio field teams had been working closely with the technicians stationed in Demlok’doran to figure out why any transmissions were gradually dampened into the Rift during the dust storms.

“Did you have a chance to read this, Shas’Ui?”

Ui’Mesa’kar stood startled, not expecting the Shas’El to ask him about the report. “I have not read the Fio’s finding, though I did overhear a few of them talking about the conundrum.”

Well, he’s not lying, she thought, reading back over the executive summary at the top. “Our Fio have stated that the signal interference comes from the marginally magnetized dust particles within the storm. You’ve been caught in one before, correct? What do you think of that assessment?”

“Well, Shas’El, that just doesn’t make complete sense to me, but at the same time, I haven’t had a chance to look at all of the information at hand.”

You don’t need to. Any magnetic force would either completely cut out any signal, or the transmissions would go through fine. There can’t be active degradation from swirling regolith, no matter what the Fio are telling me in this report. “Thank you, Shas’Ui,” El’Caor’savon said, handing the second dataslate back to the waiting Shas. “That will be all.”

Ui’Mesa’kar saluted before quickly turning and exiting the office, leaving the Shas’El alone once more behind her desk. She looked down at the field reports once more, reading between the lines of the two officers’ words.

We’ll figure this out. We’re not going to be taken by surprise if an attack comes.

So... she's convinced it's Necrons?
A good epilogue. Small typo at the start; "dust" is spelled "durst."

This part seems like it would be less wordy if you eliminated the second 'even.' My personal opinion..

Anyways - I'm looking forward to your next story!

EDIT: Wolfs16 is absolutely right.

Okay, I really like the way you changed things around. It flows much better now and gives us a greater insight on your commander while wrapping up the story nicely. However, I do have issue with the last sentence.


That sentence was so blunt that it kind of took me out of the story. The whole story has had a really nice theme to it. To me, the dust storm provided a "fog of war" over what was going to happen. There was mystery and tension in the story because we could not see what was going to happen. We felt the Shas' frustration at this and this contributed to the overall story very well.

Now maybe I like throwing hints out a bit too much instead of telling it flat out, but I think you could have really set the audience up for some suspense by wording things a bit differently. The previous run in with the Necron's scarred her somewhat, didn't it? She seems to react negatively earlier in the story when she remembers the battle, so why does she react so matter of factly now? I feel like she should have struggled to accept the possibility, just a bit. It could have ended with her remembering those cold, green eyes and the Shas'El shaking off the fear, determined that she will not let her people be caught off guard ever again.

This serves to set up the next story without really making any promises. You don't explicitly tell us the enemy and leave the audience eager to read more. This also sets the Shas'El up for further character development. Now she has become more obsessed with military preparedness and might lead to some conflict amongst her officers who don't see things the way she does.

What do you think?